Relationshiips Should Not Be As Hard As We Are Making Them

If ideas have consequences, then the idea of ignoring God’s created norm of a man and a woman being married, committed to each other, before any sexual union takes place, would have grave consequences.

Births out of wedlock are becoming the norm.^[1] Britain almost has more births out of wedlock than in the context of a committed marriage. The United States is not far behind Britain, and France, since 2007, has had more babies born to individuals (notice that I did not say couples….for a reason) than committed couples.

What is the consequence to this idea? The consequence is instability. The consequence is instability in the rule of law, instability in the economy, instability in emotional well-being of all who are involved, and instability in general.

We know that unmarried parents are more likely to split up, their children learn less in school and are more likely to be unhealthy or behave badly. Unmarried persons are poorer, less well-educated, and more likely to become teenage parents. ^[2]

The bedrock of all relationships is commitment. We commit to God first and then each other. Marriage is a commitment to the well-being of another. It is not an institution intended to meet my physical, emotional, and hormonal needs/desires. When it becomes an institution that is about me, then the consequence is obvious: others do not matter.

In the end, those who live together without commitment usually end up in dire straits in that there is no way to live in community and be about self. In most cases, the man will usually leave and go on to others whom he can manipulate, control, and use to meet his desires, while losing interest in those for whom they now should be caring.

The wives/moms usually do not leave. The children born to them were of them and the attachment is strong. The women usually stay in that they seem to better understand commitment and are seem to be more willing to rearrange their lives in order to make a better life for their children.

In a land where narcissism rules, however, even the women abandon the natural, and as that happens, children suffer.

When a nation decides that marriage, as God outlines it, is no longer important, and that commitment is not the most significant factor in relationships, the results will be devastating to both the individuals involved and the nation as a whole.

Because we have decided to ignore God and His obvious and simple ways, we need to spend hours and hours and millions of dollars figuring out laws, guidelines, and expectations for those who are in all sorts of “arrangements.”  In a weird kind of way, those who decided to try and simplify life by not making a commitment complicate life beyond repair.

Without claiming to understand all of the ramifications of a non-committed relationship, I would offer at least this partial list for your consideration.

First, it seems that non-committed couples are the real reason why we have a debate about abortion. In a committed relationship there would be no need or desire for an abortion. If we obeyed God, we would only see children who would be conceived in the context of commitment, and the idea of killing them would not be an idea at all. The issue we do not want to deal with, both individually and as a state, is that of obeying God. Choosing to ignore or not obey God is the problem here; abortion is the byproduct.

Then, it seems that those who will not commit to each other are choosing to spend countless hours trying to figure out what is “fair” or “right.” In these cases, since God and commitment are not the guidelines, we will need to make some up. Legislative bodies will need to decide what is right and wrong, and have to deal with a host of variables that will be both endless and exhausting. In our attempts to legislate what is right, we exhaust ourselves, and eventually become numb to evil that surrounds us. In fact, we not only become numb, we begin to make laws that make such behavior acceptable, making those who disapprove of such things the new deviants in our culture.

Then, like a dog chasing its tail, we need to defend those who chose to disobey, and punish those who have obeyed God, thinking that real freedom means a lack of guidelines and conviction, when the opposite is actually true.

Non-committed parents’ children learn less in school because learning does not happen at school. (School may be a catalyst for learning, but learning happens in community, in family, and in the observation of significant adults or mentors that are doing life with you). If a child feels insecure, and all those from homes where the adults are not in committed relationships feel insecure, the learning process is often interrupted. Children are distracted, disconnected, and trying to cope with life rather than live life. Children begin to be concerned with things that they should not need to even think about, and are faced with consequences of adults behaving badly, and cannot seem to enjoy being a child.

Children who grow up in non-committed environments begin to live as if non-commitment is the norm. This norm eventually turns into their worldview, and their worldview supports their life-long decisions and actions.

Trying to make sense of Godlessness makes no sense in the end, and fuels hours and hours of worthless discussions that end up making life more complicated.

God’s ways are not only right; they are logical. Think of the mess we are in because we have complicated the simple or logical in both families and individuals. It is logical that God created, and that He created man and woman, and made man and woman different. Those who desire to erase the difference make life complicated and confusing, and this leads to hours and hours of “clarifying” life and relationships that is both exhausting and counterproductive.

God made the cornerstone to relationships commitment, not convenience. Those who make it convenient complicate things, and destroy the very fabric of relationships.

Living in a society that is dedicated to conforming to a Godless norm will both exhaust people and resources, and is futile at best.

Godless living makes no sense, and we must never make senselessness the standard.

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^[1] The Economist January 16th, 2016

^[2] The Economist January 16th 2016

What If Faith is Really Reason or Logic?

What if faith is really reasonable and logical and not just believing something for the sake of believing? There is an old song that talks about faith as just believing that God does what He says.

Believing that God does what He says is not just a belief; it is logical. It is logical that the God of all creation is trustworthy and will do what He has said He will do.

What if creation is logical and evolution is illogical?

What if commitment in marriage is logical and divorce is illogical?

What if submission to authority is logical and going it on your own is illogical?

I have often heard, from the higher up academics in this world, that Christianity is illogical and simpletons have to rely on faith rather than reason. This may sound like a “sound” argument, but it actually lacks any sensible thinking.

It is rather easy to illustrate with simple objects around us. If one would take a pen and look at it, one could and should easily conclude that the pen had a designer and a purpose in the design. I  would reasonably argue that anyone who chose to think that the pen had no designer, and therefore, no purpose, was foolish at best. One must also conclude that the pen had a manufacturer, or a process by which it came from concept to reality. Once again, for someone, anyone, to think otherwise would put them in the “foolish” category, and it would be reasonable to assume that no one would object to such thinking.

Even though you may not know the designer or manufacturer of the pen, and the idea of making ink flow at a constant rate to the paper is a mystery to you, there is still a simple understanding of its origin based on a logic that, I believe, is God-given to all mankind.

This logic can be abandoned, and when it is abandoned we assume and actually do silly things with the things created. Since I own the pen, I could use the pen in any way I desire. Should I decide to use it as a canoe paddle, I can do that. Even the casual observer would conclude, without even seeing me attempt this feat, that the use of a pen as a canoe paddle is a silly idea. We would know that it is a silly idea because the pen was designed and manufactured to be a pen, and works rather well as a pen, but is a lousy canoe paddle, and will only frustrate someone trying to use it as a canoe paddle.

I am not suggesting that the owner of the pen does not have the choice to use it as a canoe paddle, or as a nail, dart, or Q-tip, for they have the right to do with the pen as they please, since it is their pen. I am suggesting that to use it for purposes other than those for which it was designed and manufactured makes one foolish.

If one can reasonably conclude that a pen has a purposeful design and had been manufactured with that design in mind, one must also conclude that man, animals, roses, stars, and the entire universe, which are all much more complex than a pen, must have had a designer who had a purpose and a maker who created it all in a way that would allow them to accomplish their purposes. To think otherwise would make one foolish.

In fact, the more “science” moves away from the idea of there being a specific creator who created things with a plan, the more foolish man looks. In many ways we are and have become a society that reflects the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes. While we admire what is not really there, the angels in the universe are probably laughing at our prideful and foolish arrogance.

Faith is only available to those who embrace reason. It is not available to those who abandon reason and want to believe foolish ideas of mass explosions, accidental blobs of protoplasm, and order being established from chaos.

The Bible tells us that in the beginning, God. It is reasonable to assume that there was and is an ultimate designer, cause, or plan. The Scriptures tell us that God created. Once again, this fits logic or reason, and it would seem logical or reasonable to seek the designer in order to see and live within the context of how and why we were created.

The Bible tells us that God created man and woman and that it was not good for man to be alone. In fact, all of the plant and animals made did not fulfill Adam; only another person of the opposite gender did that.

It is clear that God made man and woman different, and thereby man and woman have different purposes. Having a different purpose does not make one better or worse. It makes one different, and wise individuals live within the context of the created purpose. Men were not designed to have babies or have intimate relationships with other men, and women were not designed to have sexual relationships with other women.

To abandon logic or reason leaves one confused. We are confused today as to what gender is, what its role is, and what marriage and relationships are all about. The idea of family is being redefined, and is so inclusive it has become rather confusing.

God told us in the book of Romans, the first chapter, that those who abandon reason will be allowed to, and what would happen, as a result of abandoning reason, is that men would lust after men and women after women, something totally apart from how things were meant to be.

In this way, man becomes like a pen used as a canoe paddle, and then wonders why life seems too hard, unproductive, lonely, and meaningless.

Those who embrace logic and reason are able to exercise faith. They do not have faith in their understanding, but faith in the One who does understand. They have faith because logic is evident to all. It is put in the hearts of all, and they have not replaced logic with understanding.

When one abandons logic and lives according to their understanding, terrible things happen. Hitler, Lenin, and others lived according to their understanding, but abandoned all logic, and the result was devastating. Many people refuse to have faith in God or believe there is a God because they do not “understand” Him.

Their abandonment of logic/reason will destroy their lives and all of the lives they influence, and many will miss out on the simple purposes God designed for this life and the eternity to come.

Fighting Walking Depression

There are many who struggle with "walking depression." These thoughts and feelings are not controlling enough to incapacitate us yet they are powerful enough to rob us of the "joys" of life. Although the reasons for depression, at any level, may be many, the solution might be simple. Here are nine thoughts or ideas you might want to try and see if they would make a difference in your everyday life. 

1.Get to Know God.

We were made by God and for God. To not spend time with Him means you are acting outside of what you were created to do, and therefore you will never find satisfaction. In fact, you will struggle worse and worse as you attempt to find satisfaction in this life, and in people, apart from God.

Trying to find satisfaction in this world, its relationships and its pleasures is like a dog hoping to catch its tail. It is impossible, tiring, and ultimately leads to worthlessness.

If people choose to not spend time with God, or acknowledge Him as God, they cannot feel good about life.

In fact, they will continue to try and find significance in other things. They will try to find significance in money, friends, popularity, control, sex, etc. If those fail, and they will, they will need to boost the feeling of significance by the use of drugs, alcohol, or some other way to temporarily alter their feelings.

Eventually, depressed people channel their energies into wanting to be in control, and they will do almost anything in order to feel as if they are in charge. In some odd way, they are mimicking God, who is ultimately in control, and all this behavior is an attempt to achieve something that cannot be achieved.

In that, depression grows worse, and those who do not “get it” turn to medications and focus on circumstances rather than on God, even though the Scriptures are clear that we need to rejoice in Him, not our circumstances.

Those who attempt to rejoice in circumstances will forever be victims of a sinful world overrun with evil circumstances. It will not end well for them.

Those who are not in God’s family can never experience true peace, satisfaction, and joy, for they are trying to live in a way that is against their created purposes.

Love, by its definition, demands choice, real choice. If God is to love us, we need to be able to deny Him, or it is no longer love.

Our sin has separated us from Him, and our sin was and is our choice. When we recognize our sin, admit it, and look to God for a solution, He offers one. Because our sin has separated us from Him, and we are like a hopeless and helpless orphan, we have no way to fix this on our own.

God, who loves, also chooses, and He has chosen to adopt us into His family, to fix the problem that we have created, and to allow us to be, once again, in His presence and family. This position He offers us is something that He, like a parent who is adopting a child, bears total responsibility for.

We, as helpless separated children, have the opportunity to be part of a great family, and have the stability, resources, and comfort of Almighty God, both now and throughout eternity.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

(John 3:16-18 ESVST)

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

(Ephesians 2:8-9 ESVST)

…he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,

(Titus 3:5 ESVST)

To avoid being reconciled to God is to avoid any hope of gaining hope in this life and forever. For now, the choice is yours.

2. Love People.

The second focus for one who is battling out of the pit of depression is to quit focusing on self and self-success and promotion, and focus on making others successful. Friendship should not be for us, but for others. We were made to focus on making others the best they can be, not on using others to make us feel good, or to make us the best we can be.

Paul, the Apostle of Jesus, often spoke of being a servant. Sometimes the servant was one who chose to be a servant. Sometimes he used the word “under-rower” to indicate the idea of service to others. No matter how he termed it, we were created to serve, not be served, and we will find significance and security in serving others because we love them.

Depression strangles us when we look to others to serve us, or our needs, or our desires. Whenever we turn around the plans of God, we are listening to Satan. Satan is master of using us and our sin to destroy us. He need not work hard if we do not know and love God, and if we love ourselves over others.

3. Embrace Reality

So often we live in a fantasy world that has been created by the absorption of hours and hours of media. Advertising is always based on presenting something to us in a way that makes us feel like we are or have missed out on something. Facebook, like the annual Christmas letters, make us feel like the rest of the world is doing something fun and significant while our ho hum lives continue to be, well, ho hum.

Hours of absorption will create a new reality that is based on fantasy, and this world, that does not exist, will disappoint.

In reality, all men and women are sinful and live struggling lives. Everyone needs to clean up messes every day and deal with their self-centered desires, as well as the display of

self-centered lives of everyone they meet.

In a weird way, we are living in a world that is totally self-absorbed while trying to portray the idea that we are totally selfless. This is a hard act to pull off, and we would be best to admit it, or confess it, and repent, and begin the process of getting better.

Some may claim that they do not allow media to influence them, yet it is most certain that television, movies, Pinterest, Facebook, or something has helped mold and fuel their envious and covetous or judgmental spirit.

More hours spent in this world will translate into more anxious and depressed thoughts. More dependency on people and things that change will fuel our insecurity and keep us from enjoying the One and the things that do not change.

God has made it clear that we need to think on Him and His Word…constantly…as well as pray constantly. There are many activities that we might consider benign that may be caustic, for they cause us to think in ways that fuel the fear of losing out.

The sad thing is that we are fearful of missing out on what we should be missing out on, and not fearful of missing out on what we were made to partake of but are missing.

4. Plan Your Day

Most people let life plan their day, rather than them planning their time. When this happens, we begin to embrace the “victim” mentality and live as if we are victims rather than conquerors.

In a book entitled Margi by Richard Swenson, we are reminded that we only have 100% of anything. For example, we have 100% of our money, however much that is, or 100% energy, time, and emotional energy. If we spend all of it, we have no room for margin or emergencies, and those who fail to plan are never ready for the inevitable emergency.

Our culture seems to have mastered the “wait and see” attitude when it comes to planning because they do not want to miss out on anything. In doing so, they put themselves in a position where they are always waiting for someone else to make a decision. Not only does this lead to a frustrating life, it allows Satan to call the shots, and constantly leaves us woefully unprepared for whatever lies ahead.

The end result in this is an acceptance of unpreparedness in all areas, and the embracing of mediocrity.

For example, we decide at the last minute to have friends to the house. However, we have been so busy that our house is a mess, there is no food to serve, and our emotional energy is too low to invest in anything. So, we take the easy way out and just blame the mess on the fact that we value people more than cleanliness (In doing so, we are missing the point that if we valued people, we would keep things neat so that they feel welcomed, wanted, and safe.) Then, we pop in a movie and absorb some more fantasy. The movie allows us to chill and watch someone else pretend life, rather than talk about our seemingly non-existent life.

If we would have planned, we could have had the house clean, food ready for our guests, and perhaps played a game, had a discussion, or done something that would have actually enhanced relationships.

Making a “To Do” list first thing in the morning, or before one goes to bed, is a good idea that helps get one moving in the right direction.

Keeping a calendar is important, and looking at it and having it dictate your life is critical. If you want to spend time with your spouse, going for a walk, or just having a cup of coffee, put it on the calendar. When someone else or something else comes up, you can look and see that your time is scheduled and you keep your schedule.

Your fear of missing out will try to take over, but if you give into that, you have given control of your life and priorities to someone else.

Planning should also be applied to one’s finances. Often, we cannot be satisfied with our income because we have not used what we have well. The answer to a better life is not a better income. It is a better attitude towards your current income, and the planning of using it in a way that honors God, helps others, and meets your basic needs.

5. Look to Make Someone Else Successful at Something Today.

Those who focus on using the time, talent, resources, and energy they have to make others successful are the most fulfilled people in the world. Each of us have been given a specific amount of time, different talents, and opportunities. We will be held accountable to God for how we used these in showing the world who God is, and helping others do the same.

We will not be commended for caring for self, and or using our resources, time, and talent on self.

We should all have others and how we can make their lives all they could be clearly in our focus, as well as organizations (who are people) that we could care for, pray for, and work towards helping, or making them successful.

In fact, we should plan, put on our calendar, or To Do list things we must do for others. Then it becomes a priority instead of just an emotional outpouring of kindness we did to satisfy, once again, our own emotional desire to give.

6. Join a Group that is Serving or Giving in Some Capacity.

God made us to work together to accomplish what could not be accomplished alone. No matter who you are, you are incomplete without others. We were made to be body parts, not the entire body. We need to be a part of a larger group.

Everyone should be involved in a local Bible teaching, community-outreach church. This church body will afford many opportunities to be a part of a group that is using various “body parts” to serve God and the people of our nation.

We were not made to be alone and we do not function well alone. We were made to submit, and need to have ample occasion to learn to and practice such things.

7. Be Creative.

In the beginning God created. God is a creator. We were made in His image, and therefore, we were made with the idea, capacity, and desire to create. So often we allow this aspect of our lives to go dormant, and then feel as if something is missing, and it is.

One does no need to be an artist to create, for there are all sorts of talents and abilities with which we have been entrusted. One can create at work, at play, in the garage, music, art, etc.

Creating starts with a simple question. How can this be done differently, better, or more efficiently? It may come in making order out of chaos, creatively writing, or making/selling a product.

Those who constantly ignore this desire to create ignore one of the most satisfying aspects of life, and usually have little to which they can look forward.

8. Record The Day—Journal.

Keeping a journal is something that indicates you believe that something is going to happen each day that is worth noting. If you start your day thinking that this day is a day the Lord has made and I am being sustained in this life to participate in it, then you might as well write down what you see happening so that in years to come, you can look back and see the progress of “life.”

In fact, a journal will often help one keep perspective, and allow you to sit and see more clearly the hand of God in your life and in the life of your church, ministry, place of employment, etc.

9. Work for God, Not Money.

If you do not work, you should not eat. However, if you work for money, your food will never satisfy you. God designed us to work. Your body needs real work, and if you do not get it, you need to go and work out at a gym, bike, or ski. If you do not work it, it will quit on you.

We were made to work, but not made to work for money.

If money were not an object, if people could work and do what they find most fulfilling, what would they do? Some would cook, others clean, other organize, yet others run Fortune 500 companies. Some would go to foreign countries and serve the poor, while others would be a stay-at-home mom while dad is a maintenance man.

Those who have been a slave to money look forward to being free from having to work one day. Those who have found pleasure in what they do look forward to working until they can no longer work, for it has not felt like work to them.

It is important that we find how God made us and go and work in that field. As we do so, we will be “paid” for our labor. If we get paid too little, we ought not complain, and if we get paid too much, we ought to be generous.

What If?

Ideas have consequences, and some consequences are devastating. Therefore, it is imperative that we look at what we believe and adjust our belief system to coincide with the truth, rather than adjust our “truth system” to coincide with our beliefs. The following “What Ifs” are just that, “What Ifs.” If they are true, we would need to make some radical changes. If they are not true, we can ignore the ideas and experience no consequences.

What If #1

What if we live our lives so focused on not missing out that we ultimately miss out on what actually matters?

It seems as if man is addicted to “not missing out.”  Doing something that brings “gain” in our lives seems relatively unimportant compared to the motivation of not “missing out.” “Missing out” happens to those who are focused on those who have something, or who portray that they have something worthy of missing out on.

An easy example of this is the obvious behavioral patterns that take place as teens register for summer camp. Typically, the registrations come in slowly as students watch what others are doing. Then, all of a sudden, one or two of the students send in their applications, and now, like water breeching a dam, the slew of registrations arrive on the camp registration site. As long as the students do not think they will miss out on something else, or, if they think by not coming to camp they will miss out, the applications roll in.

Christian summer camps have always had a powerful impact on students, families, and churches, yet the registrations do not pour in because of what one might gain from the experience, but from what one might miss out on if he/she does not apply.

Another example might be found in wedding invitations. Often the bride and groom try to trim their list to a reasonable number, and yet, there are always those who contact them and “inform” them that they need to include this person or that person. The idea of there being a party and one not being there is unbearable for some, yet, once again, the desire to go to the wedding is not because they want to honor the bride and groom, and be a witness to their vows, but a deep desire not to be left out.

As we gather with people, we often see that they are connected more with others, who are not with us, than ourselves, with whom they are with/present. They seem to be obsessed with not missing out on what is happening wherever they are not. Selfies and constant postings keep others wishing they were with us, while our minds keep going to where others are.

In all of this we miss being in relationship with those with whom who we are present. It is an illusion of relationships that leaves those who have many “friends” truly friendless.

What if this fear of missing out is really something that God placed within us? What if, ultimately, the fear of missing out we should have is the fear of not hearing “Well done” by God Himself?

We were made to please God and to be pleased by Him. Satan works at counterfeiting this by trying to get us to believe we are God, and thereby thinking that we were made to please us, and that all others were made to please us as well.

This is disastrous thinking that leads one to extreme loneliness, anxiety, and ultimate disappointment. For in the fact that we were made to not want to miss out, and in our attempts to not miss out, we ultimately miss out.

We need not blame Satan for such things in that he seems to just fuel the fires we have started by being focused on self. He seems to affirm that self is most important, and that we would be fools to actually die to self and live for God and others.

Yet, we were made to die to self and to live for others, and we will find no happiness until we do so. In fact, the fruit of loneliness is often produced from absorbing the lies of self-importance.

We know the tree by its fruit, and we know what a person believes by his/her fruit. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, etc. Those who truly demonstrate these characteristics, not just display them but actually possess them, are those who are living life as it was meant to be. Those who display them in order to impress others or “make it” in this life are truly most miserable.

Many problems can be solved if we would just recognize them as problems.  However, we have been so immersed in a “Don’t miss out culture” that we do not even recognize its danger.

Think of how many advertisements are based on the idea of you needing their product or service or you will miss out. Think of how the “porn” industry is based on the idea of people missing out. Think of how many single people think they are missing out because they are not married, and how many married people think they are missing out because they are not single. Think about how many children are miserable because they are missing out on being an adult, and how many adults talk about missing out on their childhood, and do not want to miss retirement, while those who are retired are missing out on the beauty of middle-aged living.

Those who walk with God do not miss out on anything. They know that their lives matter, that  their steps are ordained, and that the purpose of their life and death are clear.

The apostle Paul learned to be content in all things. This is only possible for those who live with a focus on not being left out when it really matters--when all is truly said and done and we stand before the only One who actually does matter.

What Do They Think Of Me?

What Do They Think of Me?

We often spend time “spinning” information in order to have people see us in a certain light. Politicians, parents, friends, and family often spin information to elicit the desired impression.

Yet, those who live their lives the way they were meant to be lived will have certain characteristics that will be on display without spin. There is a tremendous freedom in not feeling the need to “spin” or guard your words in order to give a particular impression that, in reality, is a lie anyway.

The Scriptures tell us that those who “get it” live in a way where others have a certain impression of them. What impression would that be?

1. This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.  (1 Corinthians 4:1 ESVST)

The word “servants” in this verse is actually the term “under rowers.” The under rower was one who was normally on the third or bottom level of the ship, was chained to their seat, and was required to row the ship in sync with the other slaves. If they failed to do their job, they were dead because they were chained and would certainly go down with the ship.

There was no glory in being an under rower. No child aspired to be an under rower. Yet, Paul said that if someone should regard us, they should regard us as one.

The Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Spirit, knew what he was talking about. We were made to serve, to follow orders, to be a part of a greater force, a movement that was being led by another. If we honestly “get it,” we see that this is what we were made to do.

Often we rework the idea of slavery to be some type of comfortable, glamorous idea. It is not.

This life, on this earth, is a war, not a vacation.

Those who focus on reality, who understand the war, the commander, and their role in the war and respond accordingly, will not be disappointed.

2. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness (appropriateness) be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me — practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

(Philippians 4:4-9 ESVST)

It is our reasonableness or appropriateness that should be known to everyone. We are not to be known for our extremism, our sloth, or even our radicalness. Different translations translate this word differently. It is also translated “forbearance,”^[1] “moderation,”^[2] and as “gentleness,” and “sweet reasonableness.”^[3]

What is “reasonableness” in light of being a child of the King? What would be reasonable behavior for one who knows his/her purposes and lives accordingly? What is reasonable for one who knows that God is older than him/her, smarter than him/her, and loves him/her? What is reasonable behavior for one who is convinced that his/her value in life comes from God and is for God?

We are not of this earth, yet we live here now. Those who live as if we are from this place are not reasonable. We are of our Father in Heaven, and that is our true home, yet we have not been there yet.

It is reasonable to live as soldiers now, for we are in a war zone and look forward to resting at home after the war.

It is unreasonable to rest now and look forward to rest.

According to the dictionary, being reasonable is defined as the following: having sound judgment; being fair and sensible or as much as is appropriate or fair; moderate.^[4]

In a land of no absolutes, appropriateness is impossible. So, for many, the idea of being appropriate is a relative term that is actually rather meaningless.

Therefore, their lives are rather meaningless as well.

Those who know God should be known for being those who listen to Him and live their lives in the context of what is appropriate for a child of the King.

This same word,(reasonableness) in the original language is also used in the book of

1 Timothy,^[5] Titus,^[6] James^[7] and 1 Peter.^[8] The word in the ESV is translated gentle and gives the connotation of one who has his/her emotions, responses, and reactions under obvious control.

3. In the book of 1 Timothy, the idea of what is reasonable or good is explored a bit more in the description of the widow who qualifies for care from the church. Paul tells Timothy this: “Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.”^[9]

It can be noted that there should be a “reputation” or observable lifestyle that has been proven over the years, and has demonstrated a faithfulness in marriage and with the mothering of her children, as well as the care and concern for the needs of others.

If one has a reputation for something, it is not because they just began to live in that manner, but because they have lived in that manner. The time to choose to live appropriate lives is today. The best way to affect tomorrow in a positive way is by living today appropriately.

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^[1] rv; kjv,

^[2] rv

^[3] ( Vine's)

^[4] https://www.google.com/search?q=rejoice+in+the+lord&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8#safe=active&q=reasonable.

^[5] The saying is trustworthy:If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober- minded, self- controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,

(1 Timothy 3:1-4 ESVST)

^[6] Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

(Titus 3:1-2 ESVST)

^[7] But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

(James 3:17 ESVST)

^[8] Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.

(1 Peter 2:18 ESVST)

^[9] (1 Timothy 5:9-10 ESVST)